Doing Business in HH -- and Monkey Business in Bangkok!

A lady friend of mine recently decided to upgrade her business by opening an office downtown. Now it was difficult enough for her to set up her business in the first place and so she asked me to come along and help her deal with her future landlord. This lady is not a Thai and so, under Thailand’s strangely xenophobic business laws, she needed to have several Thai partners before she could establish a company. What’s more, the government expects her to be able to run the company without working — as owning (or co-owning) a company here isn’t enough to get you a visa. She officially needs to have four Thai staff before she can get herself a work permit. How she can pay those Thais when she cannot legally work herself is a mystery that only the idiots in Bangkok can answer but that’s how it is. Anyway, she eventually signed an agreement to rent this shop-cum-office for a 3-year period. The owner then told her that if she wants to have a sign telling the world her company is there, there are two kinds of tax levied by the municipality. If you have a sign without any Thai, you pay a higher rate but if you have even a couple of Thai words, the tax is much lower. Don’t even try to spot the logic in that as logic is one of many subjects not taught in Thai schools — like geography and PE!

You may have read about some violent anti-government demonstrations in Bangkok on Sunday. Well, as usual, what happens in Bangkok has very little effect on what happens here in Hua Hin, and so life continues the same as usual down here. The demonstrators were, unusually enough, venting their anger at one of the King’s chief advisers, a retired general whom they blame for planning last September’s coup. This adviser was, funnily enough, the leader of the military government that was running Thailand when I first stayed here, back in 1988. However, his government did a much better job than the present one, mainly because it concentrated on running the country rather than wasting a huge amount of time, money and goodwill on hunting down its perceived opponents. The former PM, Mr. Thaksin, is still at liberty in London, where is he is likely to remain as his business prospers, and the Thai government’s popularity continues to plummet. If that previously revered adviser was indeed behind the latest Thai coup (which wasn’t the first or the last), then he seems to have been unfortunate in his choice of leaders, as they are proving to be a lot less successful, popular or effective than he was. What do I think of the present government? I think I shall take the example of the wise old owl who, I was once taught, discovered that ‘the more he heard, the less he spoke — the less he spoke, the more he heard.” He also doubtless lived a lot longer than those who did the opposite.

The Rainy Season is officially here but the weekend was noticeably not rainy. OK, Saturday was rather cloudy and threatening, but if there was any rain, it didn’t fall while I was awake. Yesterday, when I had a braai (BBQ) on my lawn, the sun shone down so strongly that my guests and I had to eat indoors until the lawn became shady. This morning is also boding well, with only a very few clouds in sight. This should make me feel a bit guilty, I suppose, seeing all these reports of serious floods in China and back in the UK — but it doesn’t! One reason I chose this town as a residence is because this province, Prachuap Kirikhan, is one of the driest in Thailand. Also, it’s worth remembering that whereas the Brits affected by the British floods are complaining about the government not doing anything, flood victims here would be amazed if the government even noticed! A phrase I learned the hard way during my army days (back in the time of spears and chariots) was “demandez tu”, which basically means “ask yourself”, or deal with it yourself. If my house were to be flooded, that would doubtless be the answer I could expect from any official I sought help. Of course, there is the fact that I pay much less to the local and national government, so you get what you pay for!

Langkawi: Lovely to visit, difficult to leave -- literally!

Well we made it back in one piece. Yes indeed, we all got back from Malaysia safe and sound. So how was it down there? Very nice — and very different! It’s strange, and maybe one day the Bangkok government can explain how it is that even though Malaysia and Thailand have quite similar GDP (per capita, using purchasing power parity) — $9,700 for Malaysia and $8,100 for Thailand — the former’s infrastructure is visibly much better. On the island of Lang Kawi, I didn’t see a single road that was as bad as most non-major roads around Hua Hin. Whatever the Thai government spends its money on, it isn’t roads — or drainage or electricity or internet facilities. So why is it that Malaysia, which celebrates 50 years of nationhood this year, is so different to Thailand — which has always been something akin to a nation? I think I’ll change the subject before I get blacklisted …

Anyway, we went to Langkawi precisely as I mentioned last time. First, we caught the train from Hua Hin’s quaint old station down to Hat Yai, where we had to disembark so that they could detach the single 1^st class carriage from the rest of the train. Why do they do that, do you think? Could it be that the Thai Railways are embarrassed that their idea of 1^st class isn’t exactly opulent? Anyway, having bought a 2^nd class ticket to get across the border, we proceeded south through Thailand’s Muslim heart, where the few Buddhist temples look very out of place, like enemy camps in an occupied land. Eventually, we reached the border station of Padang Besar, where the Thai immigration official seemed amazed to have a non-tourist passing through his area. He certainly took a lot of notes and then told me (presuming I didn’t know) that I already had a re-entry permit. Good job he told me! Anyway, we then walked over to the Malaysian side, where a suitably Islamic-looking lady processed my arrival quietly and quickly. I then moved onto the Malaysian Customs, where a smiling (no really, he smiled!) official helped me fill in the required form and then waved me through without so much as a glance inside our bags. It seems that terrorist and drug traffickers only travel by air — can’t say I blame them!

Anyway, from here, we caught the same train south to a sleepy old station called Alor Setar. From here, we needed to catch a taxi to the ferry terminal. As usual, we were approached by a taxi guy whilst still on the platform, ticket barriers being an alien concept in SE Asia. He took us out to the oldest, most dilapidated taxi I have travelled in since leaving Africa 25+ years ago. My other half seemed a little wary of getting in but as there were no other taxis in sight, get in we did. He drove us (with great and distinctly un-Thai care) to the ferry terminal in the nearby town of Kuala Kedah, from where we caught a fast but not too comfortable (not advisable for anyone over 183cm tall) ferry to the island of Langkawi. The trip took about 90 minutes or so, and deposited us at Kuah, the island’s main town and port. From here, we caught a minibus-type taxi to our hotel, the Tanjung Sanctuary Resort, located on a seafront hilltop to the northwest of the port. There is no public transport on Langkawi, not even the truck-like Song Taews one sees in Hua Hin, and so taxis or rental vehicles are the only way to get around.

The next day, we had breakfast overlooking the clean blue sea and later, we met a Dutch guy who’d lived on the island for several years. We had sought his advice on property in Langkawi and he proved to be both useful and hospitable (thanks, Marius!). He took us to see his home, a Malay-type house spread out over a large piece of land set amidst rice paddies in the island’s central valley. He also showed us a very nice plot of land atop a nearby hill, with fine views clear over the paddy fields to the sea but only a few minutes drive from Kuah. This plot is presently for sale and I won’t lie — we were (and are) interested in buying it. Purchasing land is much simpler in Malaysia and so we could just buy the land and build a house later. Sea view land without seafront prices is quite rare and so we are certainly giving it some thought. Anyway, we had dinner on the beach at a nice place called the Oasis and then drove back to the hotel in the car (a Malaysian-made Proton, like a rather old Nissan) Marius had helped us to hire.

The next day, after another sea view breakfast, we took our 3-year-old to the large and quite impressive aquarium, which he loved. We then travelled up to the far north of Langkawi, to Tanjung Rhu beach. This is very beautiful, located on a bay filled with rocky islets and on the edge of the mangrove swamp. Definitely worth a return trip. After this, we drove south and had dinner at a German place in Pantai Cenang called the Beach Garden Resort. Note that name well. Its location is nice and as a budget hotel, it seemed ok. However, if you decide to eat there, make very sure you don’t chose the ‘herb encrusted lamb’. I did and spent several hours in the hotel toilet that night, not getting to bed until around 4. Not recommended.

Our last day on Langkawi began with a trip to the cable car that takes one up Mount Mat Chinchang, where one can see most of the island from various platforms located around 650~700 metres up. It was a cloudy day but the views were really impressive — as was the ‘sky-bridge’ built between two of the peaks. What’s more, all of the equipment was either Austrian or Swiss, which made me feel a lot safer entrusting my family’s safety to a flimsy looking gondola! Definitely worth a trip if you ever visit the island — but not if you have any form of vertigo!

Anyway, that was the end of the holiday as such and so we returned to the hotel, packed and paid, and then drove back to the car rental place in Pantai Cenang, where we met the first of several setbacks. Malaysian schools seem to take a siesta in the early afternoon and so the owner of the rental place had gone to collect her kid — meaning we couldn’t return the car. We had hoped to catch the 13.30 ferry but this setback made that impossible, as we didn’t reach Kuah until that time. However, we thought we had plenty of time and so this didn’t bother us too much. However, we then found out that the next ferry was NOT at 16.30, as the hotel had told us, but at 17.00 — which would give us very little time to make the connections we needed to catch the sleeper train back to Hua Hin.

We had decided to return to Thailand via a different route. Instead of ferrying back to Malaysia, we had decided to try catching the ferry to Satun, on the southeastern edge of Thailand. This ferry left almost on time and deposited us at the small harbour of Tammalang, where we found the immigration/customs procedure much more user friendly than at the Padang Besar station. Outside, we caught a Song Taew to Satun town, where the bus driver arranged a taxi to take us the 100km to Hat Yai, where we were supposed to catch the train home. Now I have to give this guy due credit. He really put his foot down the whole way, driving his classic but dilapidated Mercedes to Hat Yai at breakneck speed — which was a bit worrying for me in the seatbelt-less front seat! However, maybe due to the couple of traffic lights he actually stopped at, we reached the station 2 minutes late. Now remembering that our train from Hua Hin had been over 20 minutes late leaving, we were totally astonied to find that the sleeper had left exactly on time. That was it — we were stuck! However, a passing taxi tout suggested we try the bus station but when we got there, we found that the last bus had left at 19.30. We then tried a nearby travel agent who eventually booked us on a flight to Bangkok, which left at 21.20. It was only a short flight, maybe 70 minutes or so, but I slept well — I hadn’t relished the idea of spending the night in Hat Yai, a city that is rather polluted and prone to anti-Buddhist bomb attacks! Anyway, we arrived at Bangkok’s newly reopened Don Muang airport at around 22.30 and a few minutes later, we caught a minibus taxi with a very nice driver back home, arriving at 01.20.

Quite a journey, as I’m sure you’ll agree. However, it is testament to Langkawi’s appeal that despite that nightmarish trip home, I am still glad that we went. My last trip to Malaysia had been whilst the xenophobic Dr Mahathir was still Prime Minister and the changes in both Langkawi and Malaysia in general since Prime Minister Badawi took over were obvious and impressive. I am sure that the premier is no fonder of we westerners than any other SE Asian but he at least has the saving grace of being practical, and realising that money is good for his people wherever it comes from. Will I return to Malaysia? Most certainly. Might I actually move there? Certainly not beyond the realms of possibility. Could Thailand learn a lot from their southern neighbour? Indubitably. Will Thailand bother to do so? Sadly, that is equally indubitable — that it will not!

Anyway, I’m back in Hua Hin, back to my old routine and so unless Thailand gets the better of me, the next instalment of this blog will be at your disposal around the same time as usual next week.