A girlie bar as a marriage bureau?

It is amazing the way so many western males seem to think that what would be unacceptable in their homeland is OK here. I refer to the foolish habit so many western men have of marrying Thai bargirls. Now don’t get me wrong — there are many good & marriageable bargirls, in both Thailand and elsewhere. However, the men who marry these ladies of pleasure would probably go crazy if their son wanted to marry a European hooker. Now I know several western guys, including at least a couple of former policeman, who happily married former prostitutes and never regretted it. However, I also know several guys who married Thai ‘working girls’ and truly regretted it. Take, as a fine example, a German friend of mine who shall remain anonymous. About eight years ago, he married a girl who ‘worked’ in a notorious Bangkok backstreet known as Soi Cowboy. He gave her a good life and eventually gave her a house here in Hua Hin — by gave, I mean the house was bought in her name, due to the xenophobic Thai laws which encourage this sort of thing! However, despite poor health, he wasn’t dying quickly enough for her. She tried putting rat poison into his soup (I’m not joking, truly), she tried pulling a knife during one of their many arguments, and she even had one of her family try to shoot him. With what some cruel cynics might call typical inefficiency, the shot missed, but that is hardly the point. Now, however, this chap has finally seen her for what she is — a true whore in the non-sexual meaning of the word. He thinks he can fight her using the law (a foreigner versus a Thai in a Thai court — maybe not) and so instead of licking his wounds and returning to Europe, he is sticking it out. Whether he will survive long enough to taste even a sliver of vengeance is debatable but the point remains that marrying a Thai bargirl is as risky as marrying one in New York, London or anywhere else — maybe more so. If you want to read a few examples of what I mean, check out http://www.stickmanbangkok.com/reader/reader90.html. If you or someone you know has had a happy marriage with a Thai or any other lady of pleasure, great — I’m happy for you. However, as an American friend of mine used to say, if you eat fried chicken, expect to get greasy!

In the fair town of Hua Hin, where I live and strive to survive, there are two stores that can be called supermarkets rather than convenience stores or corner shops. One is a giant branch of Tesco Lotus, the other an older, smaller Chinese-run place called Gee. Now many westerners visiting or moving to Hua Hin make the understandable mistake of thinking that Tesco is a western supermarket and Gee must be much more oriental. However, they forget that this is not a Tesco like you’ll find in England or even — remember the latter part of the name, Tesco LOTUS. It’s a joint venture, Tesco being forced like everyone else to find a Thai partner. Now Gee is run by Thai citizens (possibly of Chinese descent) and they can do what they like. Therefore, Tesco is like a giant Thai supermarket, whereas Gee is like a supermarket in a town with many foreign residents. Does Tesco sell, for example, meat pies? No, but Gee does. The first time I visited a Tesco Lotus (in Bangkok), I was immensely disappointed to find so few of the products one might expect to find at a real Tesco. Business is business, of course, and so whenever I do my weekend shopping, I visit both supermarkets. Tesco does have a bigger choice of everyday items, thanks to its large size, but I usually end up having to pop into Gee on my way home, to buy the things I couldn’t get at Tesco Lotus. Also, as Tesco is part of a large and very fashionable shopping mall, parking can be a problem if one doesn’t get there around opening time, whereas Gee — which isn’t fashionable by any criteria — usually has plenty of room. So if you’re planning to live in northern Hua Hin and feel that ‘market Village’ (the mall in which Tesco is located) is not worth the drive and traffic, fret not. Many foreigners survived for years before Tesco came along, relying on Gee for the necessities of life. You can, too!

I was recently very chuffed to get some email from some of my former students, both in Japan and here in Hua Hin. The one in Japan was from a rather eccentric (in a very nice way) gentleman who is now contemplating taking time off from his typically hectic, Japanese-style work schedule to go and study photography in either Vilnius or Sofia! This chap is also studying the Chinese language, just in case he has a few minutes unfilled. Just reading about his schedule makes me tired! The Thai student was a young lady I remember very well. Not only was she extremely attractive in a highly effervescent way, but she was also an exemplary student. I don’t mean she never made a mistake or missed class, as that would imply cheating rather than diligence, but she always sat in the front row, asked a lot of challenging and relevant questions, and as an added bonus, actually greeted me and chatted sociably on my entering the classroom. I was very pleased to read that she had managed to gain a job as a trainee junior cabin crew with the Japanese airline 'Jalways'. She has to undergo a few weeks of Japanese language training, though she’s a bright girl and should get through this OK. However, later she will be serving the passengers aboard Jalways aircraft. If you should happen to fly with the airline any time after December this year, and if you should happen to come across a nicely vivacious flight attendant who answers to the nickname of ‘Pik’, say hi for me. If there is any justice (which may be expecting too much of life), then I’m sure she will do well — better than her former classmates who often seemed to be treading water, academically speaking!

Things to do: Find new maid and 'approve' new constitution!

One thing that many foreigners living in Thailand have that they didn’t have before is a servant. To be precise, they usually find that they can afford a maid to do the housework and other such tasks. Now I grew up on a colonial farm and so this isn’t the first time I’ve had servants. However, finding a good maid is, to quote the Thai proverb, a bit like diving for a needle in the ocean (งมเข็มในมหาสมุทร) — in other words, a needle in a haystack! Even my Thai friends tell me that good maids are like snow in the summer — not totally impossible but damn’d close! When we moved here, our builder (an excellent and helpful chap of whom I shall speak more later) helped us to find a maid. At first, she seemed ideal. Hard working, cheerful, well connected with the people who matter round here — she even spoke some English. However, when we began to trust her more and give her added responsibility, it went straight to her head. She became lazy, she lied about what she’d done and she even began to badmouth us to other people. So we parted company. When our absentee landlord neighbours had a similarly bad experience with her, when she failed to clean their place just before their friends were due to arrive, it took a call to the aforementioned builder, who also happens to be our village headman, to get her back to work. We, meanwhile, used this helpful builder to find a new maid. This one has no English and so communication is a challenge — but at least she couldn’t get too ambitious about her role here. However, like many Thais, she has this Buddhist-based idea that if she does you a special favour today, she can automatically let you down tomorrow — that a favour is an automatic pardon for future misdeeds. This is not the way we did things back on the farm and it still isn’t, and so we have had disagreements with the latest maid. However, she’s still working for us — for the time being. But I sincerely doubt if any foreigner here has the same servant for many years, let alone the three or four generations that my family’s servants worked for the family back in Africa!

If you've ever read 'A Year in Provence' (which I recommend to anyone planning to live in a foreign place), you may remember a character named Menucucci (changed to Colombani in the much funnier TV version). Well, we have our own version, a Thai of Chinese descent named Chanwut. He is the chap I mentioned above, our builder and the local village boss. He is also the man we call whenever anything goes wrong. A leaking window, a dodgy window grille, a suspicious stain on the ceiling — call in Chanwut, and he will respond. Rarely as promptly as one might wish but still a lot more promptly than many others here. If he can’t fix it (and when it comes to construction and maintenance, he is a truly a renaissance man), he is sure (to quote an old AA advert from British TV) to know a man who can. From small things like hanging pictures on the wall to big things like extending the rear patio awning or helping to set up a friend’s new office downtown, he usually gets things done. One amusing aspect of any visit by khun Chanwut, however, is that he will at some time during the conversation complain about how useless Thai workers are. He reminds me of the venerable gent who was 'Head Boy' on my family's Rhodesian farm who always complained about 'them damn blacks', despite his own lack of pallidity! Hua Hin is a small town and many of its better artisans speak no English and therefore do not mix with the foreign community. Knowing someone like khun Chanwut can therefore make a big difference to one’s life here. OK, I am sure that he takes a rack-off from any tradesman he puts us in touch with, and that any help he acts as arranger for is beneficial to him in the long run. However, that’s the way of the world. If a broker arranges a good insurance policy for you, or if an estate agent finds you a nice home, don’t they get some recompense? Of course, and so why shouldn’t khun Chanwut? We have a simple choice: use his recommendation (which is usually very satisfactory) and pay the slight surcharge to cover his ‘commission’ or try to do it alone, which might prove far more costly in the long run!

Usually in August, Thailand can expect to occasionally have a long weekend due to Mother’s Day, which is celebrated on the 12^th. The reason for this date is simple — it’s the birthday of Sirikit Kitiyakara, a lady who is now H.M. the Queen of Thailand, and therefore the ‘mother of the nation. Oh, and before you ask, her revered husband’s birthday (in December) is Father’s Day. Anyway, the point I am making is that this year, August is going to have not one but two long weekends. You see, the government, eager to make the new constitution (Thailand’s 18th since the abolition of absolute monarchy 75 years ago) respectable, is considering making the 20th, the day of the constitutional referendum, a holiday — no excuses for not voting! Knowing the locals as I do, having two long weekends is likely to mean that Thailand is basically closed for business this month, and as for colleges — they might as well save power and stay shut till October! Like every other household in this kingdom, we had a copy of the new constitution delivered to our door. The fact it was completely in Thai made it difficult for linguistically challenged slobs like me to evaluate it, but what the hell. However, it has been posted on the Internet and covered in the newspapers, so I have been able to get a look at it. It is immediately clear that this document will be very different to the previous 1997 constitution. For example, although Thailand will continue to have a bicameral parliament, consisting of a House of Representatives and Senate, the latter chamber would be appointed by an unelected committee of judges and civil servants. The lower chamber would continue to be directly elected but would be reduced from 500 members to 400. This is clearly designed to make it harder for a demagogue like the deposed PM Thaksin Shinawatra, who was increasingly reviled by the Thai elite until he was eventually ousted in the September coup. However, one must be grateful for small mercies. During the drafting of this latest constitution, Thailand’s already powerful Buddhist clergy staged several protests and demonstrations outside the Parliament building, demanding that Buddhism be declared the country's official religion. Now such a move, apart from offending the roughly 1% of the population who are Christian, Sikh, Hindu, etc., such a move would undoubtedly have greatly upset Thailand’s Muslim community (4.6%) — not a very good idea with the near civil war situation now prevailing in the Muslim-dominated southern provinces. No, the military-appointed drafters wisely chose to keep the wording of the 1997 constitution, which says that the government "shall patronize and protect Buddhism and other religions." Anyway, even though I obviously cannot vote in this referendum, it will still be interesting for me. I was once a political scientist and so witnessing Thailand’s first ever referendum will be of some interest to me. I sincerely doubt if this document will dramatically improve life for either Thai or farang, just as I fully expect there to be a constitution number 19 in due course. However, making allowances for the usual degree of vote buying (the poor need something to sell, after all), the result is not completely predictable. Then again …

Anyway, that’s it for now. The cloudy skies of rainy season Hua Hin are presently being somewhat battered by a very strong wind that has just slammed my back door so loudly that it even woke up my ever drowsy dog, but at least it rearranges the dust on the roads.